Dear Wilson athletic company,

To Whom it May Concern,
I would like to take this time to speak with you on the matter of your golf umbrellas. First I would like to thank you for making an umbrella that you measure in acres. I rest assured knowing that my umbrella that must be stowed away in my trunk because it is too large to keep in my car is just a step away. Its nice to know that when the rain is really coming down I can just take my tarp on a stick out and protect myself, as well as the 4 people standing in my imediate area dry. Im not saying that your umbrella is too large, just a little overdone.
The other problem that I seem to be having is wind. It seems as though as soon as a little wind starts up I fly away to some obscure town miles away. I have researched this situation and found that it is in direct correlation with the fact that the umbrella is extremelly large. It might not seem like a problem now, but as you are flying through the air there are many things that you need to think about, passport in case you reach another country, flying to a galaxy far far away and taxed for trading by republic commanders, putting in a flight plan to the FAA. All these things take time and money.
I would like it if i was credited the amount of $623.57 to my bank account. The amount breaks down as follows:

Umbrella $39.95
FAA law infractions $345.00
Republic Star Trader tax $89.31
Tolls $10.50
Food and other needed products ( gas, oil, transmission fluid) $138.81

I believe this is a reasonable compensation for my troubles that have come up with the purchase of your golf umbrella.
Thank you for your time.
~Steve